First Father's Day

On February 8, 2010 our life changed forever when Leyland was born. That day he made Kevin a dad. I think Kevin's road to fatherhood really began once he knew a baby was growing in my belly. Throughout my pregnancy Kevin lovingly hugged, patted, and kissed my tummy daily, talking to the baby we did not yet know.

But on 2.8.10 I fell in love with him all over again as I saw him holding our pink newborn. Leyland was huge when he was born, but he still looked tiny, vulnerable, and totally safe in his daddy's arms. Kevin moved through Leyland's first day with the confidence of someone who'd been there before, and yet it was his first day on the job. He changed diapers, stared at every detail of Leyland's face, and looked as proud as a man can. On Leyland's second night, he wouldn't settle for sleep. Kevin allowed me to sleep between feedings and rocked, and walked Leyland around the hospital room. I will never forget waking in the middle of that night and seeing Kevin rocking Leyland in his arms.

Our son does not yet know how lucky he is that Kevin is his father. But he will. I've never seen Kevin set a goal for himself and not achieve it. And currently? He's working to be the best dad he can be.

I am so thankful that Kevin chose to work so that I can stay home being a mommy, I'm so thankful that he can't wait to see his son at the end of each day, and I am so thankful he is my partner in parenthood.

I love you Kevin!

Rub a Dub in the Hot Tub!

Kevin and I have talked about how annoying and or frustrating it can be that we remember dumb pop culture references to no end, but can't remember the essential things we've studied in school. The really odd thing is that a line from a movie or tv show can become so ingrained in our minds that we apply them to ordinary life. I frequently find myself saying (or at the very least thinking) the line "now you know, and knowing's half the battle." from the series "G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero."

About a week ago, I was soundly sleeping in the middle of the night, when my sweet husband rolled over in bed and wrapped his arms around me. Feeling overly warm, and not wanting to be held- I tried to think of a response that would not be rude in response to his loving gesture. So what did I say? "Too hot in the hot tub." I know, right?? I'm obviously crazy. But what's crazier? Kevin said "oh, ok" and removed his arms. Somehow this made sense to both of us, and I even felt like I had said something endearing to communicate my message. This line comes from a hilarious Eddie Murphy SNL skit "James Brown's Celebrity Hot Tub Party."

Please view the video here for a good laugh.

This One's for the Ladies

Yesterday Kevin, Leyland and I had a family day out and about at Panera, Trader Joe's and Target. We have two Targets in Pasadena, and one has an amazing clearance section in the baby department. It's a great way to slowly stock up Leyland on clothes for great prices. $1 for a cute striped onesie? I'll take it. $2 pants? Sounds good. Anyway, as we scoured the clearance section we found an item for me. It was an online purchase that a woman had returned to the store. So, what was it?

A Bravado Nursing Tank


This tank top is $45 and the one at Target was $11. The amazing thing is that these tanks are not sold in S, M, L, XL they are sold by bra size- band, and cup. The tank just so happened to be my exact size. My exact size! Seriously, what are the odds? We took it home, and I love it. I haven't taken it off since! The irony is that this is something that- now that I own one, I might actually invest the money in, but I got mine for a serious steal! Sometimes I think God likes to provide in such specific ways as sweet reminders that he is our provider, and we can trust him fully. This item is not necessary to my existence, but it does make me so happy.

Our Son Leyland

It's pronounced "Lee-land"

Our son Leyland Carson was born at 8:01 am on February 8, 2010. My water broke at home at 1:00 am on February 7, and the events that followed were intense, beautiful, and painful. I don't think I will write out my birth story here, because it is also very personal to me. But I am happy to share the story with those who are interested.

When Leyland was born the doctor was already trying to guess his weight before I even heard my son cry. When he announced "it's a really big boy" I was filled with excitement, but I was not shocked. You may recall that I always suspected we were having a boy. So I felt that my heart was right all along.

When our son was weighed everyone seemed to hold their breath. As the scale numbers moved up and down, there was a collective gasp when his weight was announced: 10 lbs 13 oz! My gasp may have been the loudest. Our son was 22 inches, and his head was 14inches. I never ever could have guessed that my little Peapod was so big!

Leyland will be one month tomorrow, and he is hands down the best gift God has given me. In my last post I wondered what it might be like to see "Peapod's" hiccups on the outside, and now I get to! Let me tell you that they are precious, and drive him crazy. Getting to know this little person has been a wonderful adventure thus far, and Kevin and I love to pour over every one of his features assigning its origin to either me or him.

Some things you might like to know about Leyland
He tends to be a serious baby thus far. He furrows his brow frequently, and appears quite thoughtful most of the time.
We suspect he may be an introvert like his parents. When we take him out, or introduce him to new people away from home he often times closes his eyes. Whomever is meeting him will say "aww, he's sleeping soundly." But we know better, he's just keeping to himself. When we return home from such an outing he likes to lay on his back in silence, preferably with a pacifier. He will just lay still with his eyes open, but not kicking, or cooing like he normally does.
When he is eating he clasps his hands together, and holds them close under his chin.
He prefers not to cry, and opts for low toned grunts, and small moans.
He will cry when his clothes are being changed, and sometimes during a diaper change.
During his second week of life I introduced a bedtime routine, and so far he seems to love the predictability of it. At night I lay him down often times while he is still awake, and he looks around for a bit before drifting off.
He has the best hair. After baths it dries into tight curls before relaxing into a natural faux-hawk. Our little neighbor who is 5 said "hey, your baby has a Mohawk! Where did he get that?"
He makes this face sometimes where his eyes go wide, his eyebrows raise, and he purses his lips into a tiny "o" as if to silently say "oooooh, I see."

He is my favorite little buddy, and he fits right into our home as though he was always one of us.

Fully Full Term

I'm pretty much here, tomorrow is my due date, and as everyone and their mother loves to remind me- most first baby's are late. Blah, blah, blah- they obviously don't have 8+lbs of baby bruising their ribs. I am well aware of the statistics, but it doesn't change the fact that I am SO ready to have this baby. As I type Peapod has the hiccups, and it's so cute, and I just wonder what those hiccups look like outside the womb, you know?

Anyway, this will give you the run down:

How far along? 39 weeks, 40 as of 12:01am tonight.
Total weight gain/loss: 20lbs. yeah! Love the 3rd trimester, I keep eating, and just not gaining. I do however throw up from time to time again, yucky.
Stretch marks? sigh
Sleep: sleep? I pretty much wake up every hour or so, to go potty, or from a contraction.
Best moment this week: Knowing without a doubt that no matter what, it will not be more than 14 days until I have my baby.
Movement: Movement is pretty decent. A little slower, but still happening.
Food cravings: Still loving spaghetti.
Gender: ???
Labor Signs: Irregular contractions, for the past two evenings I have about 2-3 hours in which I get contractions between 2 and 10 minutes apart. But then I go to bed, and it's over.
Belly Button in or out? Innie!
What I miss: Thinking about things other than going into labor.
What I am looking forward to: Ummm, labor beginning!
Weekly Wisdom: It's ok to feel impatient at the end. It doesn't mean that you don't like being pregnant, or that you can't take it. It's natural.
Milestones: Week 40!

Giving With Open Hands and Hearts

"As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. 'I tell you the truth,' he said, 'this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.'" Luke 21:4

What can be better than someone putting their money where their mouth is? I recently read about Sandra Bullock giving $1 million to Haiti earthquake relief. That is a huge donation, and I don't want to minimize that- but. And (as my freshman history teacher would say) it's a big but. Various media outlets report that Sandra makes around $15 million per movie. Which means that in 2009 she made a minimum of $45 million. What's more, her donation has been heavily publicized.

I personally believe celebrity's have a responsibility to give big since they earn big. However my morals regarding giving are shaped by the Bible, and I can't hold everyone to that. It makes me wonder though- what about the single mom who cries over images of orphaned children in Haiti, and gives $10? Her own children may do with less for the week, but she has given what she could and no one may ever know about her donation.

This is a lesson I will probably learn and relearn throughout the course of my life. I am constantly trying to loosen my grip on my money, and on all of my belongings.

I would like to suggest that giving with an open hand, and without expectation of recognition or equal return is more rewarding than just about anything.

I recently told Kevin that I will always tell our children that "you will never regret buying a meal for a friend." It's true, I have never paid and then wished that I hadn't. The conversation, and laughter that are shared over a meal or a cup of coffee outweighs the few dollars spent.

Now I just need to learn to give when I am not directly benefitting from the gift.

Taking My Own Advice

On Wednesday of last week I told my boss that I can't keep working until my due date. Fact is, I'd like to be done with work already. But, I decided to make my last day before leave Friday, which is about 10 days before my due date. I had high hopes of working to the bitter end, thinking that it was the only option. But after Christmas I returned to work, and felt horrible. I am so thankful that I made this decision, and I am looking forward to having a week at home before the baby comes. I obviously won't be disappointed if the little one arrives earlier than that either. But, being my first I assume February 2 or later. In recent weeks my doctor has gone back to the original due date that he gave me, so that if the baby is late we can wait as long as February 18 before inducing. So he says February 4, and I say February 2, or the first week of February. I would really like the baby to have a February birthday, and so in my perfect world (where I control everything) I would go into labor on Sunday, Jan. 31 so that I get to February. I am not sure why- but I'm sort of stuck on February.

Anyway, I think we are done getting ready for the baby. This weekend we bought our stroller/car seat, finished the details of our "birth preferences" to get signed off by our doctor, and given to the nurses when we arrive at the hospital, and we even created a gift basket for buttering up the nurses who are on duty the day I am in labor. It is a cute plastic pink tote that includes four starbucks frappucino's, a bag of mint milano cookies, two bags of dove chocolates (dark and milk) a jar of cashews, and a box of apricot fruit leathers. We plan to stick our "birth preference" document in the gift basket just as a thank you.

How far along? 37 weeks, 38 tomorrow!
Total weight gain/loss: 20lbs., according to my last appointment I lost 1 pound
Stretch marks? sigh
Sleep: Sleep is ok, I get up frequently, my hips hurt from laying on either side too long, and I am feeling anxious about labor which keeps me awake sometimes.
Best moment this week: Peapod's little foot has been sticking out on my right side, and lately I like to run my hand along the heel. Sometimes I can almost make out how long the foot is.
Movement: Movement has slowed as baby and I are running out of room, but I "count the kicks" as my doctor instructed me, and I have nothing to worry about.
Food cravings: I was craving nachos, and fulfilled said craving.
Gender: ???
Labor Signs: Contractions are picking up, and I have started vomiting again, which just says to me that my body is preparing for labor- not that it is beginning!
Belly Button in or out? Innie!
What I miss: brie, I think I'll eat a wedge of brie after I have the baby.
What I am looking forward to: Holding my baby and listening to it as it sleeps on my chest.
Weekly Wisdom: It is SO worth it to get things done ahead of time. I have special hospital toiletries, snacks/drinks for while I labor at home, and I bought some cute socks for walking around the hospital in. Peapod's "going home" outfit is clean and laid out, and I bought a brand new (maternity, because I live in reality) top to wear home from the hospital, and feel pretty in. And also snacks for Kevin to eat at the hospital. You may think I'm crazy, but I feel relaxed and confident about my labor beginning.
Milestones: Pretty sure the baby dropped this week, and contrary to what I'd been told- it doesn't feel better, now I'm uncomfortable in new ways.

I Don't Get It

Warning: This post may sound a little whiney.

I have been sick for 8 days, and yesterday my symptoms changed, and not for the better. My throat swelled, swallowing became painful, and an inspection of my throat revealed an enlarged tonsil covered with icky white spots. Kevin and I both came down with colds shortly after Christmas, which was very frustrating as we had carved out time to set up our new apartment, and make some big shopping trips to finish buying what we need for the baby. We returned to Pasadena only to spend our days laid out on the couch. "Ok," I thought "We'll get over this, and finish getting everything done." But I didn't. Well, I haven't yet. And what's more frustrating is that I have worked hard to save sick and vacation hours for my maternity leave, and I am burning through them as I stayed home yesterday and today. I will go see a doctor today, and I am hoping he can give me something to help get me well. But in the meantime my boss is back in the office today, and I have my final event before maternity leave next Friday. I feel the pressure of needing to get things finished for that event while I am experiencing the reality of being 4 weeks from my due date, and I'm sick. I've felt ambitious through my entire pregnancy to be someone who works until the very last minute. But now that I am four weeks out- my back hurts a lot, and I am tired, and I get contractions when I do too much. And now? I'm not so sure I'll make it through four more weeks of work. I am trying my best to let things go, and take care of my body- it's what's best for me and Peapod, at least that's what Kevin is trying to help me learn.

How far along? 36 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 21 lbs. Over the 20 pound mark, but feel good about my weight gain.
Stretch marks? Yeah
Sleep: I still sleep well, praise Jesus. Seriously, I wake up about 3 time a night for bathroom breaks again, but I go right back to sleep after.
Best moment this week: We did get some baby shopping done, including our crib mattress, mattress pad, sheets, bumper, and a few other items. We have been so incredibly fortunate with our purchases, that I plan to devote an entire post to it.
Movement: All the time, and baby is so big now that every once in a while a little rear end pokes out of my side, and I feel little knees and elbows drag slowly across my belly. Sounds weird, but it's actually a lot of fun.
Food cravings: This week I was hit with the craving for beef stew and biscuits, so that's what I ate. I've also been back to popsicles, and loving granny smith apples- peeled and sliced only. I know that probably removes at least 50% of the nutrition, but I hate the skin on a granny smith.
Gender: ???
Labor Signs: Don't think so. I am working off the assumption that I will go on or after my due date, so that I don't get too ancy.
Belly Button in or out? Still in, and with four weeks left, I think I get to keep my innie.
What I miss: Sleeping on my tummy, and getting out of bed without having to roll out of bed.
What I am looking forward to: Holding my pink screaming new born, and falling in love for the second time in my life.
Weekly Wisdom: If you work full-time, give yourself a break, and make the start of maternity leave flexible.
Milestones: 36 weeks = 9 months, technically (9x4) and I am celebrating that!

Oh, The Swelling

I wrote this post last week, and never published it- oops!

I am nearly (tomorrow) 33 weeks. I have not been blogging for various reasons. But this weekend I had a baby shower, my mom in town for the shower, and we moved to our new apartment.

I left off last time mentioning our upcoming Thanksgiving trip, and let me tell you- if you're invited you should definitely stay with A&W. I am not even kidding when I say that we felt like we stayed at a bed and breakfast. They are the best hosts, and so fun to hang out with. We have already looked at Southwest for deals to get back to Dallas to see them again. After our first night of sleep at their place we opened our bedroom door in the morning to hear the coffee pot beeping to let us know there was fresh brewed coffee, and we found a tray of cinnamon rolls on the kitchen table. I wish every morning started that way! I was feeling like I was coming down with something, and as soon as I mentioned it, Whitney was handing me a glass of Emergen-C. We toured the "Dallas Palace" together, and had tons of fun. I have lots of pictures that I can't show you because I lost the cord to my camera. I need to buy a USB memory card reader, but I just haven't yet. Anyway, thanks to Andy and Whitney for a wonderful time.

Kevin and I got pretty sick somewhere between Texas and Arkansas, and arrived at his parents house feeling horrible, complete with fevers! An ER trip, an urgent care trip, and a bunch of antibiotics later- we're all better! And as a bonus- it wasn't H1N1!

I will save my post about the baby shower for another time, but for now I'll say that some of my dear friends that I have known for a long time made great efforts to drive from various parts of SoCal to be at the party. It was so great having them here.

But the real star of our weekend was my mom! She came down to attend the shower, but she got roped into helping us move, and clean! Kevin packed almost our entire apartment by himself due to my major lack of energy, and the ability to lift heavy items. Then, he and three guys packed a moving truck, and unloaded all of our belongings into our new place. So by Sunday he was totally exhausted, and we still needed to clean the old apartment. I think my mom put in about 5 hours of cleaning. She saved our lives. There is no other way to say that. Thanks mom!

How far along? 33 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: I have an appointment tomorrow, and I guess I'll face the scale then.
Stretch marks? Yep.
Sleep: Sleep is still pretty good except for the 2 times/night potty break. Also, sometimes baby and I disagree on when we should be sleeping. :)
Best moment this week: The baby shower, my friend put so much thought and care into all the details of the event, and I felt totally spoiled.
Movement: Yes, seems like we've still got plenty of room for the baby to roll around.
Food cravings: Yesterday I suddenly wanted ambrosia salad- umm, eww. I did not indulge.
Gender: 7 weeks 'till we know for sure.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In!
What I miss: Food tasting like it should. Chinese food tastes like wet cigarettes to me, and pizza still makes me vomit.
What I am looking forward to: Putting away tiny baby clothes. I washed a few things before we moved, and I just love the teeny tiny little socks.
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy the time the baby is inside, it can only last so long.
Milestones: My ankle swelling has reached new heights. I don't know that this is a milestone, but it is shocking for me.

29 Weeks or 11 Weeks Left

For some reason this is the first week I've started to think about time left, versus time passed. And 11 weeks seems like such a short amount of time. And at the same time, my friend Erin's due date just passed, and she still waiting and I can't imagine being there! Confusing.

How far along? 29 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Ok, I'll fess up. I have gained 15 lbs. At my last appointment, my doctor seemed very pleased with this, which in turn makes me feel proud. He set a goal for me for the rest of the time, but said that if I go over it's ok too. But at this point he figures I'm on track to gain 20 lbs total. I'm good with that!
Stretch marks? Yes, yes, yes. I hate them!
Sleep: Still going strong on the sleep front. Last Friday night I slept for nearly 11 hours. I also have a new habit of taking short naps over my lunch hour. I sleep for about 30 minutes, and it's pretty much amazing.
Best moment this week: Feeling Peapod roll back and forth. Now that Peapod is nearly 3lbs, those rolls are definitely felt, and seen. One night I changed position and the baby was not amused, and starting punching, or kicking so hard. Kevin got to feel this little in-utero tantrum.
Movement: See above.
Food cravings: Still lemonade, but I am having a minor love affair with milk- the colder the better. I like to leave the milk in a glass in the freezer for a few minutes before drinking it. Oh, and spaghetti! With meat sauce, mmmmmm.
Gender: We'll certainly know in 11 weeks!
Labor Signs: Nope, but the braxton hicks contractions are getting a little more serious, and sometimes uncomfortable.
Belly Button in or out? Holding strong as an innie.
What I miss: With the holidays just around the corner I am missing wine, and brie.
What I am looking forward to: Maternity leave! My boss and I have not even talked about this at all yet. I don't even know if they will hire a temp for while I'm gone. In the mean time I am trying to organize my computer and files to make things easy and accessible for whoever may be sitting here for those few weeks, at least I hope someone will be.
Weekly Wisdom: The only thing that helps my swollen ankles is drinking 16oz of water every hour, and sweating it out at the gym.
Milestones: This week for the first time ever being pregnant slowed down my workout. I was on the elliptical and after only 5 minutes I started to get a painful contraction, so I slowed down- but it didn't help! So I am officially a walking on the treadmill only kind of girl. Sigh.

On Monday we leave for Dallas to see Andy & Whitney and then we're driving from there to Arkansas. I could not be more excited about this trip. Dallas, here we come!

We're Moving!

Do you remember this? Or this? We're doing it again! By now it must seem like we love oven cleaning, trips to goodwill, and packing boxes. This will be our fourth apartment in three years! The best part about this new apartment? We have a dishwasher, a garbage disposal, and a fenced private patio. We will also be able to have cable again, and it even has a breakfast bar. We are moving further from campus, and though it will be less convenient, it will be so good for us. We are planning to move on December 11-13, which is pretty much the best weekend with how busy things are otherwise. I will also admit that preparing is a great outlet for my nesting urges.

I am starting to pack and clean, focusing on our kitchen first. It's always that thing that sneaks up on you during a move. Books, and wall decorations are the easiest, while all the random things- cold medicine, extra bottles of hand soap, check boxes, etc. prove to be the most annoying. We are moving back into a one bedroom, and this means we will have room for a full size couch! I already have it picked out, and I'll let you see it once it is purchased, set-up, and being used in the new place. We may even have space for a table and chairs to eat at! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure we'll still use our tv stands on select occasions, but it will be nice to actually sit across from each other again.

Oh, and during this move I will be nearly 33 weeks pregnant. Yep. I'm doing the packing, while Kevin will be doing the actual moving with the help of some friends. It's hard to let go of that control, and letting it all happen while I'm at work, and distracting myself with my mom's visit here. But, I will label my boxes well- and knowing Kevin, it will probably go better than I could even hope.

I'm totally stealing this, but it's a great way to give pregnancy updates.

How far along? 27 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I've gained weight, and you know what? It's not fun seeing new territory on a scale. I don't like seeing it there, and I'm not ready to post it here. If you really need to know, email me.
Stretch marks? Yep. I have very very sensitive skin that does not like to be messed with. I've had stretch marks since, oh I don't know- the positive pregnancy test? No, really probably week 15.
Sleep: Love it thanks to my snoogle. Though this week my body does this thing where during my every-two-hours potty break, I wake up like it's 7am. I sit up totally awake and ready for the day, but it's like 2am. So I grab snoogle, and fall right back to sleep. Can't complain.
Best moment this week: Finding our new apartment, and (this was really last week) buying our crib that we found on Craigslist.
Movement: Pretty much all the time, last weekend Peapod head butted my mom's hand, such a good baby. I love lifting my shirt and watching random parts of my belly jump with action. It's so weird, but I love it.
Food cravings: Meh. I've never been driven by the need for a specific food as of yet. But I will take a huge glass of ice cold lemonade (fresh, not powdered) with extra lemon slices any time of day. It really can't be too sour for me.
Gender: Jury's still out. A friend of mine just gave birth, and her girl was in fact a boy. They didn't have a name picked for him, and he came home to a very pink crib, and some precious dresses. Oops.
Labor Signs: None thankfully, it's too early! But, I do get Braxton Hicks contractions these days, in fact I had 11 in 12 hours the other day. But, they are not painful at all, and I welcome them because they are preparing my body for labor- so bring it. Random- playing Rockband gives me these practice contractions too.
Belly Button in or out? In, and it really doesn't even look that different yet.
What I miss: Advil!
What I am looking forward to: Laying in our bed with our newborn, and just staring and marveling at those tiny fingers and fat feet.
Weekly Wisdom: "sleep in, go on dates, and go out to movies" wisdom provided to me by a mom who was missing the days pre-baby.
Milestones: Third trimester, and we started our childbirth class.

Sort of related- strangers definitely put their feet in their mouths when it comes to pregnancy. I have a friend who is almost 7 months pregnant, and the other day a woman she just met said "oh, are you 8 months pregnant?" My friend said "no, about 7." the other woman then said "is that only one baby?" So, let's all remember to keep our stupid assumptions and guesses to ourselves when it comes to hormonal pregnant women.

Nesting

I haven't blogged in too long, and a lot of that has to do with the insane amounts of energy I've had over the past few weeks. Once the vomiting ended, pregnancy became a very enjoyable thing. Especially with the extra energy. I am not even kidding. On some days I make it through my 8 hour day, go to the gym, and still find myself dying to wash the dishes, do laundry, etc. And the nesting, dear God the nesting. There must be one specific hormone associated with this, and I would love to know what it is. I think Kevin would love to know what it is so that he could eliminate it.

Here's a perfect example: Friday night was a big big big work event for me. The biggest event all year in fact. I had worked for months preparing every last detail. On the day of I worked for 12.5 hours, and Kevin worked for 14. The event involved over 1000 people in attendance, and it also involved a lot of manual labor from Kevin. Anyway, we got home late that night and we were both exhausted but couldn't sleep right away. So we stayed up until 1am, and woke up around 8am the next morning both feeling like we'd been in a car accident. We dragged ourselves out for coffee and bagels. After we ate Kevin was ready to go home and veg. Not me. I was suddenly hit with the need to nest.

I cannot quite explain exactly what it feels like, but basically I am suddenly consumed with energy and the need to do something, anything, but sit still. (As a side note if you've ever seen Stephanie after a latte, and with a sketch pad full of ideas, while her hands get all panicky and shaky as she explains why we should "make unicorn shaped pancakes, right-this-second!" It's sort of similar, but imagine being Stephanie) So Kevin said "are you ready to go home?" And I said "no, I kind of feel like buying Peapod a stuffed animal today." What I meant was "I'll settle for a stuffed animal but I'd really like to buy a stuffed animal, then find a crib, and a crib mattress, and a mattress pad, and build the crib, and set the stuffed animal in it." OR, find a new apartment this minute, one preferably with laundry hookups, and then buy a washer and dryer, and sit in this empty apartment doing laundry in my own machines! While these were the things that nesting was telling me to do, we went to Target instead where we shopped for a friend's baby. Then I barely made it to the cereal aisle before I completely lost all my energy, and all my desire to nest and could do nothing more than lean pathetically on Kevin and whine. I finally felt the way the poor guy was feeling all morning. The events from the previous day finally caught up with me, and my head was pounding, and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep for 3 days. I actually said to him "this is how you've been feeling this whole time, and you walked through Target with me? I am such a jerk! What is wrong with me?" But he just sort of nodded his head (probably not wanting to do or say anything that might wake the nesting beast within me). By the time we got to the car I was super cranky and whining about having low blood sugar. Kevin silently unwrapped a fruit leather and handed it to me as we drove home.

The Beginning of My Birth Plan

Did I tell you about the time my doctor and I made some preliminary decisions about my labor and delivery? Well it went something like this.

Dr.: "which hospital do you plan to deliver at?"
Me: "Arcadia Methodist"

Dr.: "if it's a boy do you want him circumcised?"
Me: looked at Kevin and made him answer.

Dr.: "do you think you'll want an epidural?"
Me: "Nope." huge nervous grin.
Dr. "great!"

Yes. I have committed to an epidural free delivery. I feel like this is such a debatable topic. Let me first say that I am not against epidurals. Choosing to relieve some of the pain does not make a mom less of a woman. But I will explain my decision, and why I think it is best for me.

It really started quite a while ago. When I was in high school I was very interested in child development, and took multiple child development classes. In these classes I had the opportunity to watch babies being born in every situation one can imagine. The most impacting video shown involved two women in labor at the same time. One woman chose the epidural, while the other woman chose to be epidural free. At the end of their labors each woman birthed beautiful and healthy babies. But there was a difference. The baby whose mom had the epidural was sleepy (albeit snuggly too). He just sort of hung out, eyes closed and quiet. The baby without the epidural was looking around, and making lots of noise. They did a split screen of each baby laying on their respective moms bare chest. Epidural baby just sort of laid there. The other baby managed to move his head directly to his moms nipple, and began nursing. I was shocked. I had never considered the drug's affect on the baby. I felt pretty convinced in that moment that I did not want an epidural. I also had to watch women receiving epidurals, and I am more scared of that than I am of having the baby.

Secondly, I see the human body as being incredible. The fact that I am working on growing an entire human being never ceases to amaze me. As soon as the tiny embryo implanted itself in my uterus, my body took over the growing, and nourishing of this little person. I have not had to think about developing a heart or imagine bones forming. My body is just assisting the process. I take vitamins, but those are honestly more for me than the baby. I tend to see this as the ultimate test of my body. Keeping that in mind, our bodies have an amazing way of handling labor. We have hormones that are released periodically that accomplish different portions of the baby being born. I think my body knows what it needs to do, and I will just need to endure the very real pain that accompanies the process.

In the mean time I am trying to prepare my body for labor. I know that once that process begins that it will be similar to running a marathon. I am trying to exercise as much as possible, including exercises specifically for toning my "pelvic floor." Every time Kevin and I walk downtown, or I do cardio at the gym I know I am preparing for labor. I am also doing so by eating lots of protein every day, and drinking ridiculous amounts of water.

I also chose a hospital that is known for its low c-section rate, and for allowing women to labor on their own timetable. Our hospital even has "family" showers where I can work through contractions under the warm water. They will allow me to bounce on a ball, or take a walk in their garden as labor progresses. My doctor will allow me to go two weeks past my due date before suggesting induction, and allowed a friend of mine to labor naturally for 36 hours without pressuring her to take something to speed up labor. He also did not argue with me when I said I did not want an epidural.

I still have a lot to learn about labor, and breathing, and positions, etc. But in the mean time I take any pain I experience now as being nothing in comparison to labor.

Peapod

Well, we had our 20 week ultrasound on Friday, greatly anticipating seeing Peapod's goods. Peapod had other plans. Our baby kept its tiny knees glued together. It doesn't help that our doctor's ultrasound machine is ancient, and that everything is a little blurry. We were told that there's a 70% chance that Peapod is a girl. But, after reading about many seventy percent-ers turning out to be the opposite we just feel confused. I even read a blog today in which a couple was given 70% that their baby was a boy. I thought certainly that would be clearer, maybe they use the same ultrasound machine as our office. The good news, no- the great news is that our baby is perfectly healthy! We feel like we were given a huge gift that day just in hearing that Peapod is healthy. So, for the mean time we refer to the baby as "she" but we still feel a little weird since there's still a 30% chance that "she" is "he." So maybe 70% equals "we really don't know what your baby is."

Last Minute Guesses?

With Peapod's reveal scheduled for tomorrow morning, I thought I'd see what you think our baby is. So, boy or girl? Vote to the right. I think I may have waited too long on this.... Oh well!

Sugar and Spice or Snails and Puppy Dog Tails?

This is the week. In 6 days, or (4 business days as Kevin likes to say) we will find out if peapod is male or female. I've heard there's some sort of debate regarding learning the gender of your child. There is a trend toward not finding out the gender until birth. If you ask the pregnant woman in this camp "what are you having?" she'll quip "a baby." The general argument toward waiting is "it's the only true surprise left in this world." I agree. However, after spending weeks vomiting and re-learning how to sleep I'm ready for my surprise now. I figure at the halfway point discovering who it is in there will help make the next 20 weeks that much more enjoyable. Plus, I am impatient, and I want to buy a cute outfit now to stare at, and lay on my growing belly. I'd also like to refer to peapod by an actual name every now and again, and invite you all to do the same. Yes, soon you all will also know the name.

I keep getting asked "are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" I suppose my answer is "yes." I really don't care, but I can explain myself.

First I grew up with three brothers, and let's be totally honest- it was the best. I could probably write a blog series as to why, but I'll save that. I feel comfortable with boys, and I think in a lot of ways it would be very natural for me to play in the mud with my son and show him how to cook so he can be an all-around catch when he's older. I also love picturing him in tiny vans and hoodies, and seeing him watch the original animated Batman series with his dad on Saturday mornings.

On the other hand. When I picture Kevin with a daughter my heart melts. I think he will be a wonderful father regardless, but when I imagine the two of them dancing in the living room, or her falling asleep in his lap I can hardly wait. I also look forward to brushing her hair, dressing her in skirts and striped tights, and playing tea parties with her.

Now, I admit that since our very first ultrasound my thought has always been that it's a..................................................boy. But, only time and my appointment on Friday, will (hopefully) tell.

Punching Bag

During a meeting this morning the little mango growing inside of me decided to get a little more precise with its kicking. Aiming directly for my bladder. Hmmm, it starts early! Though the tiny little thing felt more like pokes or tickles than full fledged kicks.

18 Weeks- Sweet Potato

At 18 weeks baby is the size of a sweet potato. I hate sweet potatoes. I mean I really really dislike them. They are simply a starchy vehicle for delicious roasted marshmallows at thanksgiving. I also can't even look at a sweet potato right now so I opted for the soda can size comparison for this week's picture to the right. I use a fun site to check out the size of my baby as we wind our way through the produce section.

Today I decided that I have to meet my crunch cravings with trail mix- including raw almonds and no salt nuts. "What helped me decide this?" you may ask. Well my friends that would be my cankles. Yes, my swollen ankles that I can push a finger into and leave an imprint. All it took was a handful of crackers! I am just thankful we aren't living close to McMenamins right now, because I could seriously go for some cajun tots. Those delicious little bad boys are covered in salt. Oh well. My energy and appetite are finally returning- my tummy is growling while I can smell the brown rice cooking, and salmon baking. I thought I would never get back to a place of opting for food at-home or something other than jamba juice. On that note it takes a lot to eat well during pregnancy. You need a ton of protein, have to avoid salt (boooo!) try to ignore that little voice that says to eat two huge bowls of ice cream instead of one small bowl. Once the appetite hits, oh man watch out! I have been doing pretty well though, and have gained just the right amount of weight.

I can feel our little one wiggling as I type this, and this is definitely my favorite part of pregnancy thus far. At first I thought it would freak me out when it happened. I mean you never feel your insides moving independently, you know? But it turns out, it's a great reminder that baby is there and happily growing ever day and now probably weighs around 7 oz.!

The Other Man

A few posts back I alluded to something I had ordered online. Well that something is the Snoogle. It's a pregnancy body pillow that is a wonderful indulgence. I've had trouble with sleep in the past, and I knew that working around an ever growing belly would affect my sleep that much more. I read some reviews, and found the Snoogle to be the most worth the money spent. Body pillows are expensive, but it is totally worth it! I am a tummy sleeper, but now those days are gone. and I'm even at the point now where I am supposed to sleep only on my sides and not on my back. When I roll over it either wraps around behind me, or in front of me. Plus I don't have to readjust extra pillows all night (between the knees, under the belly, behind the back etc.). I imagine the Snoogle will only be more of an asset as the months tick by. I really can't recommend it enough. We are going away this weekend, and I am dreading two nights without Snoogle. We call it the "other man" because it's so big, and is literally between us.

At my appointment last week, things were pretty routine- pee in a cup, get weighed, have blood pressure taken, wait on noisy paper covered exam table to see the doctor. I love my OB- have I mentioned this before? We talked about how I am still throwing up, and he said "I am so sorry you're going through that." Wait what? Not, "well that's just what some women experience" or "I'm sure it will pass soon." All you really want as a pregnant woman is a little understanding, and that is just what he gave me. He really is awesome. We heard the baby's heart beat (150bpm) and this time it sounded like barking.

Speaking of baby, at week 17 she or he is getting baby fat! My favorite part. I can't wait to hold his or her fat little feet in my hands, and kiss every little baby fat roll.

The other funny thing we determined is that I have a serious case of "white-coat syndrome." I'm pretty sure I inherited my doctor's office nervousness from my dad, and my low blood pressure from my mom. If they take my bp at the beginning of the appointment it's something like 193 over 40, which is alarming. At the last appointment they took it a second time after I saw my doctor for a reading of 170 over 20. Much better. I think from now on they will be taking my bp at the end of the appointments.

Our next appointment is September 18 (only 23 days to go!) and we will get to find out the gender!!!! We will also get a closer look at baby's heart, brain, fingers and toes. I can't wait. We are very excited regardless of what the gender of our baby is, but I have had a feeling toward one side since we found out I was expecting. We'll see if I'm right!

Week 15/16 and a Special Surprise

Since I began the second trimester my vomiting increased. But the all-day nausea has nearly disappeared. I still have food aversions, and get very very angry at buffets that run commercials at 7am. I don't want to see a Salisbury Steak topped with onions and gravy while I eat cereal!

Happily, I felt the baby move this week! It was so strange. It felt like a little tiny tickle on the inside. It makes me currently imagine the baby as a sea monkey. Specifically a skinny brown monkey wearing pink floaties on each arm. Not like the rip-off sea monkey farm my friend sent away for in 4th grade. The "sea monkeys" arrived in a packet, all dried out. Not at all like the crazy dancing and swimming monkey's from the commercial. Anyway, I love feeling him or her swimming around, and every once in a while bumping into me. I even poked it the other day, and it kicked back, so precious. I wasn't quite expecting to feel movement yet, but it was a nice surprise!

I find it fun, no matter how useless, to try and guess the gender of our baby. The Chinese gender prediction chart says girl, but the thread and needle over the wrist says boy. If you don't know what these are, google them and you will find a whole world of quizzes, charts, old wives tales etc. to determine the sex. I think I'll wait for the ultrasound.

My next appointment is Friday, and I am excited though sad that I have to wait for the next appointment to know who it is that's swimming around in there!